Oh the shame… so much shame…
Am I the only one who chickens out on a project immediately the idea is conceptualised?
It’s been two years since my last post here and i am absolutely mortified. Mostly for the fact that i find it hard to keep up with myself.
I have learnt that my age does not allow me to be put together. Yes, most of my social media feeds are filled with friends getting married, engaged, going on fancy vacations and popping out children like there’s a special offer, that does not necessarily mean they have it all figured out.
Or does it?
Either way, the pressure (often from within) is real. I constantly find myself in existential crises battling between who i think i am, who i actually am, who they think i am and who they think i should be -They- being the society. And in a world full of false advertising and misrepresentation, you have to understand that this is not your regular cup of tea.
In the hope of “making it”, we try dip our feet in different pools at the same time, not to test the water but rather go for a swim and end up falling on our arses because, well, it’s impossible.
If I (most of us) had a dollar for ideas i’ve come up with i’d probably be taking an early retirement. What’s worse is if i had a dollar for every idea i have failed to see through, i’d still retire early.
I don’t know if this goes for everyone, but in the society we live in, that shit isn’t easy. Our brains are so scattered such that between waking up at 5am, spending all day at an office till around 8pm, getting home at 10pm with your physical and mental well being barely intact, it’s hard to actualise those great ideas we come up with.
This could be argued out with “Well what do you do on weekends?” Ummm… trying to put the rest of my life in order, that’s what. Maybe it’s just me but on the weekends i’m not at the office, i’m busy trying to fix up my house, meet friends and family and trying a hand at my social skills. It’s either that or there’s nothing different between me and some robot.
Something else i’ve realised is we drink a lot. For those of us who do. Not that we want to, but because that’s where -we think- life’s unending demands are pushing us. That’s the only place we assume can make us happy because life seems all doom and gloom. That’s the place that allows us to lie to ourselves that we aren’t depressed and on the verge of breaking down. “That oh so happy place.”
At the bottom of a bottle is where most people find solace having lost most of their friends due to their overly demanding schedules. And all this while, with all the social media, we aren’t allowed to express exactly how we feel because its not in line with what everyone on the feed deems as “having made it.” Even if we do, most people are more concerned with the likes they get and miss all the signs of a struggling individual/society.
But I digress.
My biggest question for all of you who seem to have it all figured out. How do you do it? How do you achieve your ambitions and dreams in a society where there seems to be no time? Do I have to quit my job to fully indulge myself in my goals? What if this doesn’t work? How do I untrap myself from this routine i currently have going on?
I don’t have any of these answers but i do hope that we all find ourselves because at the end of the day,
Aren’t we all just trying to make it?